So let’s talk about something that has weighed heavy on my heart for quite sometime and it wasn’t until a recent conversation that I was able to find relief. So my sister Brittany came to visit me a month ago and after hanging out all day we were naturally tired. At this time I was still in school (hadn’t started following my dreams yet like a preach about so don’t judge). I had an assignment due and to be honest it had been due all week but every time I tried to do it I grew tired and couldn’t find any motivation to get it done. I had made up my mind that this would be my last semester but I was confused on what I should do next. I felt obligated to fill the gap of time with something productive. Now mind you I do work full time and my job can be exhausting within itself, so this “large gap of time” I’m telling myself I have is actually just my time off from work.
I tried to come up with a reason as to why I was quitting school for the moment and all I could say was “I’m tired”. It took her telling me that it’s okay to be tired. Your body needs rest and although you feel as if you have time to either work another job, go back to school, or just to get out and do something, sometimes you just need rest. I honestly didn’t give myself the opportunity to consider what else I wanted to do because I was already cramming another task to juggle in my spare time. I looked around at one point and realized I didn’t even give myself adequate time to sleep. And although you hear so many say #teamnosleep you can rest assure that catches up with them at the worst possible time and in the worst way.
What made things worse for me was that I was doing something I didn’t want to do and I was not passionate about. I promise you it feels ten times more exhausting doing something you aren’t passionate about because it’s always forced. After a while you begin to hate it and lose focus. Even with me hating it, I felt like as long as I was doing something productive, and my time was not wasted. When I’m actuality o ended up wasting more time and money on something that was not beneficial and made me miserable.
Learning to take time to truly find my passion and rest was the best thing I could’ve done for myself. I think about all the time I spent stressing over school and losing sleep because all night I would stay up trying to focus.
My teachers were lenient and understand ding but even the work I turned in was not my best. There were a few times I would read back over an assignment and ask myself what was I thinking. That moment when I began to half do it and just turn in anything, was the same moment I decided enough was enough. I looked around and noticed my attitude had changed. I was angry, depressed, and mad at people and things who had nothing to do with my bad habits and poor decision making. I needed somewhere to place that anger and could only redirect it to myself. It’s hard to accept when you’ve made a bad decision, but they key is identifying that it was you who made it and you who needs to change it!
From that moment on I began to pray and process things differently, the conversation with my sister was only confirmation. I knew from then on I had to erase the bad energy and the bad decision. I slept peacefully that night not worrying about getting work done, scheduling time in between my already hectic schedule to complete assignments, or what excuse I could come up with this week to tell my professor. I slept knowing I had FINALLY made the right decision and I didn’t think twice on it, like I e done in the past.
While I can’t get the time back I wasted, I can surely avoid wasting anymore time in the future. Always remember to take care of yourself!